God Has Satan...

I have the fat kid.

This was the third day of our new "lifestyle change". I spent most of the morning in what the Air Force calls the "Healthy Living Workshop". I gathered the intent was to inspire us to change our diets and to exercise more.

The nutritionist was my favorite. She was a portly blond woman in her mid 30's who strangely resembled a female version of Nick Nolte. She spent an excruciating hour showing us the horrors of fast food and eating out in general. Slide after slide appeared on the screen. We looked upon them in horror as if we were seeing crime scene photos. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly be visually violated anymore, she showed us the "plastic food". When she grabbed the plastic orange and compared it to the three scrumptious looking, plastic, chocolate chip cookies the fat kid whispered in my ear, "Do you think those are real? Do you suppose they'd taste good in skim milk? Go ahead take the cookies from her. You're bigger than she is."

When the class concluded, my resolve was shaken. While I knew I should stay the course with the lifestyle Meg and I have chosen, my mind kept drifting back to the thought of eating those plastic morsels. When I got home for lunch, Meg was warming up the chicken tortilla soup from the night before. It was delicious. I still wanted a soda.

I schlepped into work with my shoulders rounded forward and my head hanging in agony. "My kingdom for the sweet nectar of the gods," I thought to myself.

As if on cue, the fat kid materialized before me and showed me his vast kingdom. With ungodly powers he transported us to the top of the roof, and as the fog faded into the wonderous snack bar he said, "Money, power, strength all of these things and more I will give to you, if you would perform just one act of worship to me. Eat the chocolate, drink the soda and you shall live forever." I considered his offer.

For the next 40 minutes, which ironically seemed like 40 days and nights, he tempted me. First with our squadron fitness monitor. She brought a cap full of candy and a soda into her office. Then, another sargeant came in with a Baby Ruth and a Coke. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by three more people all carrying temptations all talking about how good those glorius snacks tasted. I almost wept. I cried out "Lord if it be your will, please let the cup of soda pass to me, tho it not be my will, but yours."

The soda was never passed to me, nor the chocolate. I survived another day in the debauchery of the snackers. And while I made it past this one test, I know the fat kid has not swayed from his course, he will not be deterred. Tomorrow I will have to face him once again.